tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1590980640397561218.post4365188099217590816..comments2023-03-25T13:55:10.841+00:00Comments on Waiting for John: #29Waiting For Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18260288739294444444noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1590980640397561218.post-74601268603949496942010-05-27T23:38:21.585+01:002010-05-27T23:38:21.585+01:00@ jaws: Did anyone decipher that? It's a warni...@ jaws: Did anyone decipher that? It's a warning in very simple code. X<br /><br />@ Jason: Oh thank you so much. Your happy vegan tips are hilarious! lentils seem so easy to cook... surely not even Mr. Spencer could fuck them up??? ;) X<br /><br />@ Mrs Winthrope: What is this soup obsession? And is that Warhol's jesus I see alongside your name? You do know that other than his rather innocent Soup paintings he also had many "piss paintings"? And not just his own... it seems half of New York was spraying pee around his apartment. My mother could have been of some use there. XWaiting For Johnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18260288739294444444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1590980640397561218.post-20750448601600887382010-05-26T17:15:25.990+01:002010-05-26T17:15:25.990+01:00Not chicken soup
TOMATO RICE SOUPNot chicken soup<br /><br /> <br />TOMATO RICE SOUPAbigail Winthrope (Mrs)https://www.blogger.com/profile/13997738173561349603noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1590980640397561218.post-69709535650050152262010-05-26T16:26:50.263+01:002010-05-26T16:26:50.263+01:00Cooking for a vegan is a moral battle. But with th...Cooking for a vegan is a moral battle. But with these tips, you and your guest will emerge victorious.<br /><br />Lentils.<br /><br />Because lentils are un-fuck-up-able. They don't have to be soaked before hand, you can cook them without fussing. You can cook them while you are out of your mind.<br /><br />French green lentils have an unearthly color that ought to force vegans to rethink their life-choices. ("I am a vegan, and I am eating baby shit.") They're also full of fiber to prepare you for the next time your mother calls.<br /><br />A half-cup of dry lentils ought to do for two people. Any time one cooks for a vegan, it is imperative that the meal ends with everyone still hungry. It is a profound moral failure for a vegan to ever sate her hunger.<br /><br />Do not help her fall into that pit!<br /><br />Just pick through the dry lentils to make sure there are no pebbles (depending on how much you care about your guest and how good your dental plan is).<br /><br />Simmer for twenty minutes in enough vegetable stock to cover the lentils by a few inches - with a little minced onion, a spoonful or two of canned, diced tomato and a splash of dry white wine. (Unless you want it to be bland - to punish your friend for her dietary choices.)<br /><br />Vegans like to be punished. That's why they're vegans.<br /><br />In that case use water. Dingy tap water. Rust is a nice touch, if you can get it.<br /><br />Don't add the salt until the end - unless you want to punish her even further. Salt at the beginning will make the lentils tough.<br /><br />Finish with minced fresh parsley, a dash of salt and a few tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil. This will make the food look nice and taste good. This may disconcert your vegan, but be strong!<br /><br />Serve with brown rice and a dollop of hummous if your guest is a lesbian.<br /><br />Straight people always prefer white rice and are suspicious of hummous.<br /><br />Bisexuals must never be offered rice in any form. Flatbread is your only option.<br /><br />Once the meal begins, it is important to compliment the vegan on how spiritually superior she is and how you wish to be like her, some day, when you have the moral strength.<br /><br />Once lulled in this manner, spring dessert on her:<br /><br />Tell her someone informed you that "veal is vegan, as long as it dies of ennui."<br /><br />This will allow her to rant at you for several minutes, burning up all the calories you provided with your scanty meal.<br /><br />Moral victory for everyone.<br /><br />Remember "Salad is murder."<br /><br />--The Flaming ChefJason Zenobiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02307104803650175533noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1590980640397561218.post-70734651780655223942010-05-25T21:58:41.949+01:002010-05-25T21:58:41.949+01:00I can help you with the vegan thing.
I have lots ...I can help you with the vegan thing.<br /><br />I have lots of friends with the same eating disorder.Jason Zenobiahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02307104803650175533noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1590980640397561218.post-15863257034974430842010-05-25T16:26:26.633+01:002010-05-25T16:26:26.633+01:00O . OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO - OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo -
Oo...O . OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO - OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo -<br /><br />OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO - OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo -<br /><br />OoOoOoOoOoOoO . OoOoOoOoO - OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO .<br /><br />OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO - OoOoOoOoOoOoOo . OoOoOoOoO <br /><br />OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo OoOoOoOoOoOoOoO . <br /><br />OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO - O - OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO.Jawshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17664193569670918572noreply@blogger.com