The landlord said “That’s how it is... there’s nothing I can do about it!” He said not to bother him with such trivialities again. Will it be a triviality when I don’t pay my rent? Bombard him with nuisance calls threatening to rape and kill him! Open the sewage outlet into the apartment and then hand the keys back after three months. It won’t be so trivial then! Though of course I’ll pay the rent... all pathetic losers do.
The pet shop only had one goldfish. I took that and to keep it company I also bought a blue and yellow sea slug. I christened the fish ‘Jaws’ and the slug I didn’t even bother naming, just dropped it in the bowl and let it sink to the bottom. By noon it was back at the top, floating on the surface absolutely dead. Apparently it needed to be housed in a proper aquarium in waters ranging between 8 – 14 degrees. I’m not sure what one must do with dead sea slugs, so I scooped it out, wrapped it in cling film and then buried it in the window box. For the moment it’s just Jaws and I.
Tristram's Birthday: Sunday 3rd October
Cheap jam sponge or something a little more exciting? How will Mr Spencer celebrate his 32nd year in hell?
Trolley Dash August 2010
Did Tristram accidently pick up a REAL bargain?
Brian the Postboy's gift to John: an ankle bracelet inscribed 'Super Dong'
Scrap metal or has John been 'tagged'. Is Tristram Spencer really the only fated man in town?
The Dangerous Dandy by Barbara Cartland
Will Tristram finally be brought to account for his love of Babs? And: is 25 years hard labour enough?
An Influx of Pigeons
Is there still some hope for the fated Mr Spencer?
I had a goldfish once. He was called Fergus and he had one solitary bulging eye. Then one morning his bowl was empty....I think he was abducted by aliens.
ReplyDeleteyou could always kill the landlord and then dipose of the body by slicing it up very finely and feeding the slivers to the goldfish
ReplyDeleteif the goldfish were a piranha, that is
any news of John?
@ Alex: Maybe Johns been abducted by aliens? It wouldn't be the first time. Though lets hope he and Fergus don't cross paths, John doesn't like goldfish. WFJ. X
ReplyDelete@ I, Like The View: of your 105 interests, number 23 is 'Green ideas'. Feeding the slivers of my landlord to Jaws is quite a green idea and it may very well come to that. Nothing from J, I take it he's still in hospital. WFJ. X