My heart is going to get me into trouble. Even at this early stage I know that. It's like I can see disaster, am walking into it, but can do absolutely nothing to stop myself.

“John is back to normal!” That's what verity said. But how can he be normal, just like that? It's not possible, unless he wasn't ill to begin with??? But he was ill. He was very ill. We all saw that.

“There was a storm. A black swirling mass of confusion. But now it has passed...” That's what John said. He left those bizarre words in a comment to post #32c. But then why didn't he call? Why isn't he back home? Why does he still refuse to speak to me when I phone the hospital? No, it's not right. I feel like a man who is being tricked.

Unfortunately I'm of that cut, susceptible I mean... all sad lonely people are. I'm not the only person to get someone into bed on a trail a tears and suicide talk and then convince myself that their kisses came from some place other than pity city. To lay there throughout the night staring into a pale pimply back and thankful for it. So what! It's still better than having nothing but a synthetic pillow to soak up the tears.

And that's it, I ignore logic, excuse confusion and don't think too hard as to why someone is there. That they are is enough. I don't mind someone putting rat poison in my coffee, as long as they touch my hand as they're handing me the cup. To feel wanted, even just for a second, that's my biggest fault. For that, I'd follow my heart right over the edge of the world. And that's how I know: Tristram Spencer is a fated man.


  1. 'I don't mind someone putting rat poison in my coffee, as long as they touch my hand as they're handing me the cup.' Beautiful. You're a talented, if 'fated man'; gotta give you than.

    *Follows your tale with abated breath*

    Helena xx

  2. I wish you and Helena would get a room.

    This implied heterosexuality is quite nauseating.

  3. "It looked just like Skinny & Sweet, except for the little skull and crossbones on the label."

    --Violet Newstead

  4. Mr. Shandy - sorry - Spencer (unlike Shandy, you are a very reliable narrator).

    I feel I have been too harsh. The dog is more easily led to the master by sweetness than stick - y -ness.

    I have something else to offer other than rat poison for the coffee.

    Mon premier chocolate assortment pour vouz:

    Nerdette Swirl: a cloying confection with a nut at the centre.

    My nephew, poor dear, and his even poorer, dearer amis have got it into their head that your depraved ramblings - sorry, intellectual outpourings - have some vast narrative interior core, some Grand Illusion to be deconstructed. The poor gang hacks into my computer every time they come to visit the invalid, oblivious of the fact that I’m aware of their every snigger and guffaw.

    Anyway, in the spirit of rapprochement, I too want to show an interest, guided by donkeys, as was Our Lord, You Know When.

    So, what they seem to want to know is this:

    What is the significance of the numbers?
    What’s with the 32b and the 32c - why not 32d? Why no 31b?
    Does a ‘b’ mean one thing, a ‘c’ another?


    Sorry - these poor deluded souls will not sleep until this question is answered.

    Understand: I am taking a purely Reaching Out interest in your perverted - sorry - challenging mind.

    We need to connect.

    Sweets before sticks.

  5. Oh Mrs Winthrope, you're such a wonderful 'thing' to wake up to.

    I'm gonna give you a serious answer. 32a, 32b, 32c

    the letters can signify either of two things (nothing so fantastic as what you may imagine).

    It either means that each post is closely connected and not necesarlly following a real time line. i may post them over three days, when all the events described took place in one day. You may hae noticed I also removed the dates from the blog. It used to say the time and date of post, but that meant that each time I had to justify the inbetween time. With it removed it gives much more freedom to how I can open and end posts.

    The other, and more common use of a, b, c etc is to let the reader know that there will be another post to follow a little later. I try to keep the posts bitesize and prefer to post twice a day (if required) rather than a single long one.

    Belive it or not, I'm just off to bed now! was a little bit naughty last night and didn't catch a wink.

    @ jason, kinkynick, helen: a response will follow a little later. X

  6. @ Helena: thank you so much Helena.. for the Tweets as well! X

    @ Kinkynik: I'm not quite sure what it is you mean Nik? Explain a little. X

    @ Jason: exactly, turn a blind eye to the poison warning and arsenic could very easily be orange blossom water. X

  7. Nerdette Swirl don't believe you.

    'There must be more to it than that!' the one with the big thick blue glasses screamed.

    They are now in a huddle,feeding my nephew and pouring over the numbers...

  8. Great great stuff here the last week or so. Thanks as ever. I nearly pissed myself over Elton John looking like Sponge Bob......
    My breakwas good and I returned refreshed however yesterday was very dark and black, the lemon at Streatham High Streets 'Come Whine With Me' Coffee shop was distinctly off and left a curious film over my tea, later on the bus home I started to hallicinate...I'm going back today.

  9. @ Mrs winthrope: Big thick blue glasses must be the family genius, one can jut tell these things. Ok, so the numbers hold the answer to a 2000 year old riddle, so what! Even if your Nerdette Swirl of a family huddle solve it,what will it change? Absolutely nothing! Your nephew will still be wearing diapers when he's 48, so what does it really matter? karma. He must have been me in a previous life. X

    @ Nick: he does kinda look like sponge bob, only not as sexy... even less so now. God, acid lemon tea! Forget Amsterdam, get your asses down to Streatham High street.There's never a boring day in London... unless you're me (or anywhere near me... or in me.. or just left me). Johnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn where art thou??? X

  10. "I don't mind someone putting rat poison in my coffee, as long as they touch my hand as they're handing me the cup." BRILLIANT line. Wish i had've thought of it.


Tristram's Birthday: Sunday 3rd October

Tristram's Birthday: Sunday 3rd October
Cheap jam sponge or something a little more exciting? How will Mr Spencer celebrate his 32nd year in hell?

Trolley Dash August 2010

Trolley Dash August 2010
Did Tristram accidently pick up a REAL bargain?

Brian the Postboy's gift to John: an ankle bracelet inscribed 'Super Dong'

Brian the Postboy's gift to John: an ankle bracelet inscribed 'Super Dong'
Scrap metal or has John been 'tagged'. Is Tristram Spencer really the only fated man in town?

The Dangerous Dandy by Barbara Cartland

The Dangerous Dandy by Barbara Cartland
Will Tristram finally be brought to account for his love of Babs? And: is 25 years hard labour enough?

An Influx of Pigeons

An Influx of Pigeons
Is there still some hope for the fated Mr Spencer?
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