#64

I have sometimes given up on myself, quite frequently given up on others, but I have never given up on the world. There was always something, some meagre thread of hope that I would find and cling to until better days. It's not that I am a survivor, or any type of outstanding being, it's just that beneath all the shit, all the meanness and injustice, there is something inherently beautiful about this world - and there is always hope in beautiful things.

At 9.38 this morning John phoned. I had been up since daybreak, sitting in the green chair with the phone on my lap, willing it to ring while at the same time dreading having to answer it. Not that I thought it would really come to that. I was certain John would not call, that it would be another anxious day of waiting for something that would never arrive. But today the world cut me some slack, rung up 3 cherries and paid out the jackpot.

John was an absolute sweetheart, a bit excited and a lot regretful. He said he had been a “maggot” and a “shitfly” and an “absolute cock”. I never asked him about the breakout and I never spoke of wheelchairs on churches. That all seemed too surreal for this very sane moment, almost as if it happened in another time and place. Today, John had been in hospital, had recuperated and was coming home – full stop. The only time it went a little backwards is when I said I would not collect him, that I needed the symbolism of him coming home himself. But John stuck to the rules, saying: “I would swim oceans, walk deserts and climb buildings for you! A ten minute bus-ride is nothing! I'm coming home, but be warned, if you're looking out the window, it'll be my erection you see first!” We both laughed, for the first time in almost a year we laughed. And I'm glad we did, because behind the smiles and happiness, my tears were in free-fall. I had gone to pieces and the world was awash with hope.

5 comments:

  1. Someone once said that there's an invincible summer underneath the layer of frost. Truly, there is hope. Thanks for sharing Tristram.

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  2. Tristram,
    I hate to spoil your fun, but I worry. Blue skies can bring tears.

    All the beast,
    dustylee.

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  3. DEAR, I WAS GOING THROUGH YOUR FOLLOW LIST AND I'M REALLY QUITE WORRIED WHAT PLACE THIS IS. WHAT I HAVE LEARNT IS THAT WHEN A BLOG HAS A "CONTENT WARNING" IT MEANS, WITHOUT FAIL, THERE IS AN ERECT PENIS WAITING TO JUMP IN YOUR FACE! MAYBE BECAUSE YOU ONLY LOOK INTO YOUR FEMALE FOLLOWERS YOUR NOT AWARE OF THAT, SO I'VE MADE A LITTLE LIST OF ALL THE BLOGS/FOLLOWERS YOU SHOULD STRIKE OFF OR BLOCK. i WILL SEND THAT BY MAIL. BY FAR THE MOST WORRYING THING I CAME ACROSS IS A BLOG "YOUNG HARD GUYS: AN ERECTION A DAY!" WHATS WORRYING THERE IS THAT ITS YOU FOLLOWING THEM! PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE NOT GOING THROUGH ONE OF YOUR FUNNY PERIODS? PLEASE!

    I WILL PHONE YOU TOMORROW... DO ANSWER, DEAR, SOMETIMES ITS GOOD TO TALK.

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  4. Tristram
    Simply that's a beauty piece of prose man
    Loved it
    Nick X

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  5. So Smile for a while

    And let's be jolly

    Love shouldn't be so melancholy

    - Lynne Anderson

    Poet

    Goddess

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO4wcNVbYOQ&feature=player_embedded

    ReplyDelete

 
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