In the right hands, the Tufflove Easy Rider 1000i electric wheelchair is a public health hazard. In just over 24hrs John has run over three geriatrics, hit a child, crashed into a tree and taken the wing mirror of a Mercedes Benz. This morning he even done a 360° handbrake turn with a certain debauched postboy sitting on his lap. If he doesn't calm down I can see someone getting seriously injured, even killed.
Yesterday at the handover ceremony, with all the press, I watched furiously as John smiled and chatted away as if he was a celebrity. He signed t-shirts, cards, and plastic beakers. One guy even had him autograph the stump of his leg which he said he'd lost after falling drunk in front of a train! Everyone was cheering and hurrahing and saying how brave John was, that he served as an “inspiration to all paraplegics everywhere.” Oh, it was sickening to hear.
On the way home my fears of John scooting away to Milton Keynes were only exacerbated. He shot off ahead leaving me struggling on behind carrying two 25lb batteries, a recharging device and his Flamingo flower. Ok, his top speed is only 5mph, but that's still twice as fast as I can walk. After seven minutes he was just a black speck at the top of the road, and even if this past week hasn't been our greatest, I still never want that speck to disappear.
Tristram's Birthday: Sunday 3rd October
Cheap jam sponge or something a little more exciting? How will Mr Spencer celebrate his 32nd year in hell?
Trolley Dash August 2010
Did Tristram accidently pick up a REAL bargain?
Brian the Postboy's gift to John: an ankle bracelet inscribed 'Super Dong'
Scrap metal or has John been 'tagged'. Is Tristram Spencer really the only fated man in town?
The Dangerous Dandy by Barbara Cartland
Will Tristram finally be brought to account for his love of Babs? And: is 25 years hard labour enough?
An Influx of Pigeons
Is there still some hope for the fated Mr Spencer?
Tristy, you are completely and utterly pathetic.
ReplyDeleteBut I can't dwell on that.
There's been a crisis here.
Thick Blue Glasses said 'fractions' when of
course he meant decimal.
87.5
In the land of Nerdette Swirl
he's toast.
@ Abigail: pathetic, I know, that's the great tragedy of it. Yes, that 87.5 thing was an almighty blooper... for a moment I thought TBG was a retard. X
ReplyDeleteTristram,
ReplyDeleteYour life has enthralled me so
that I have only been half listening to the
attractive wild haired biker boy
that has been telling me stories
of no restraint.
But, now off to the fun.
all the beast,
dusty.
'Retard' is THE forbidden word round here.
ReplyDeleteThick Blue Glasses is on probation.
I feel so guilty that none of the Nerdettes would have noticed his fraction/decimal faux pas unless I had pointed it out.
But I think I'll get over it.