#108a

100 rolls of cheap pink toilet paper
32 Morrison's frozen margarita pizzas
17 jars of peanut butter
6 packs of female ladyshavers
20 tins of Greek black olives
12 french baguettes
5 cotton plimsoles (4 black. 1 white)
27 pints of fresh milk
24 mini scotch eggs
2 heavy duty shopping bags
12 tubes of factor 64 sun cream
A red thing???
2lbs of pigs liver
7 TV guides
55 Mint Chocolate Cornettos
8 Tubs of Pistachio Ice Cream
6 bottles of bacardi
3 bags of barbecue coal (free firelighters!)
144 eggs
1 cows tongue
18 tins of rabbit and gravy dog food
2 watering cans
23 boxes of household matches
1500 cotton buds
48 pack of Pampers nappies
4 packets of terrapin mix
99 Fish fingers
4 bags of garlic
30 rolls of cling-film
200 nightlights
30 metres of washing line
4 hoover bags
3 bottles of nail varnish remover
16 tins of Smash instant mash potato
2 bottles of anti-freeze
13 porkpies
14 car air fresheners
5 Jeffrey Archer novels (all the same)
1 steering wheel lock
7 bottles of household bleach
14 dishwasher anti-calcium tablets
3 toilet brushes
48 torch lightbulbs
8 duracel batteries
2 yellow nightdresses
27 chicken legs
36 halal pork sausages
1/2 beef brain
10 rumpsteaks
14 pig trotters
4 assorted screwdrivers
9 bits of kidney
16 quails
12 Packs of turkey giblets
6 cartons of minced lamb
1 onion


It's the morning after the Trolley Dash before. In the entire apartment I've got two store cupboards and a midget-size fridge. What the hell am I to do with all this stuff?

£457.69p. God! The big boots of capitalism have stomped all over me. I've been well and truly swindled.

4 comments:

  1. DEAR, SWINDLED BY YOUR OWN GREED AND STUPIDITY I'D SAY. UNLIKE ME, I WAS DOWN THERE THIS AFTERNOON AND PICKED UP ALL THE REDUCED, REDUCED ITEMS. THE THINGS THEY SALVAGED IN YESTERDAYS STAMPEDE/RIOT, THEY SLASHED THE PRICES ON EVEN FURTHER. I PICKED UP TWO TUBS UF JELLIED EELS AND 10 PACKS OF ELASTICATED INCONTINENCE DIAPERS. CONTROL, DEAR, THATS HOW ONE BEATS THE SYSTEM.

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  2. my babka would've killed you with her basket for a go on the cow brains - where'd you shop? the 19th century?

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  3. Those 27 pints of fresh milk will look great stacked on top of your midget-size fridge.

    'A red thing???' Perhaps your mouth fell off.

    It's funny: The Nerdettes get into a similar consuming panic when I have them packed off to an All You Can Eat establishment.

    TBG races round piling his plate with EVERY single dish in sight. Try telling him he threw up the last time he swallowed a Rabbit Vindaloo and he refuses to listen.

    It's a bargain!!!!


    You are correct about my adoration of Baroness Thatcher. There is a marble statue of her keeping watch over my nephew's bed. Joining her in this important vigil are fellow Goddesses Sarah Palin, Mary Whitehouse and Fanny Craddock.

    How can anyone have nightmares about these angels?

    I am thinking of sending a Maggie statue to Mr Obama. He sent back the bust of Winston Churchill that dear Mr.Bush left in the White House. So what if old Winston had Obama's grandfather tortured and imprisoned. He was black! England had a white empire to maintain!We gave them round the clock work and huts to live in!

    Ingrate!

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  4. @ Mother: Frrrrppp!!!

    @ Changeling: Morrison's Camberwell. Yeah, you can get cows brain there... it's an amazing store. The layout alone. Last christmas they had an in-store rollerblading Santa. He'd sneak up to customers trolleys and baskets and slip presents in them. I got a humungous tin of Lunceon meat and some cranberry sauce!Yes!!! X

    @ Mrs Winthrope: Now that's just rude! No, you'll never guess what the red thing is... or you might??? hmmm, tricky.

    God, those lot keeping vigil over your nephew's bed are hardly gonna help his homosexual condition! If it's karma, he must have done something unspeakably cruel to the fairer sex in his past life. Probably smiled or something. X

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