Even though the letter was addressed to me, Brian placed it on John's crotch and gave it a little press. “Won't fall off and blow away, will it? Hee hee. Aw no, thats goin' nowhere!”
John picked the letter up, ripped it open, read it, then handed it back to Brian. Brian looked at it and then held it up like a piece of evidence. “And when was you going to tell us about this?” he asked. With my bad eyes I squinted the distant text into focus - well, the letters 'V.O' in any case. It was the acceptance of my Visiting Order to go and see Verity on the 27th. “Well we're waiting!” chirruped Brian. I didn't bother with a reply, just calmly walked over and snatched my affair out his hand. “I'll have that thank you very much!” I said, then folded it up and put it in my pocket.

I think Brian was about to say something like “Ouch!” or “Oh aw, well tickle my hole with a feathery tongue!” but he never got the chance. At that moment Marlowe came scooting down the road, barged him out the way, and slunk in around the gate. He kind of slid in to me, finishing in a sitting position with his nose pushed right into my groin area. Then he started licking and sniffing. Hoping it might lure the green-eyed monster out in John, or at least even things up after Brian's earlier grope, I let him have his wicked way for a moment. Then I took a step back.

For a brief spell the yard fell completely silent. John and Brian were struck dumb and just stared across at the mysterious black and white dog in the yard. Marlowe however was a little more talkative. He tipped his head to the right, gave me three full seconds, then went “Wooof!”


  1. So it's bestiality now.

    Are there NO depths?

    By the way, my Morrison's spies tell me that you just missed out on a Mormon Family Sized box of Spam at the sale.

    It's just arrived here and cook is making lovely Spam Fritters, just like old times.

    Undisputed champ:I don't even have to BE there to win the sales game...

  2. Tristy, dont put the security chain on the door, justin case theirs a thigher, hee hee.

    No post twomorow butt eye mite cool around anyweigh!


  3. @ Abigail: well, kind of accidental/opportunistic bestiality. That's not too bad. Is standing still a sin?

    Council flats, tins of spam... your empire is expanding. It's just a shame that unless you can find an arse kitted out with fallopian tubes, ovaries and a uterus your nephew and little swirl of Nerdettes are never gonna be able to populate it. You're a believer Mrs Winthrope, and now's the time to pray. X

    @ Hermes: why are you speaking in that ridiculous tongue? Wee can awe do that. its knot youneek ore clever!

  4. Depends where you stand if it's a sin.

    If, say, Christopher Hitchens is spouting his heathen atheism and you stand there listening to it then it's a sin.

    And, as he is doing, you will pay for your sin.

    You are so naive: my nephew, the Nerdettes and anyone else who may be of use to me have had their reproductive fluids collected and frozen for future use. When I decide on a suitable vessel new generations will follow.

    Not to mention the clones...

    That dog looks like little Biffy, one of the original Nerdettes. Who has never mentally aged an hour since the day I saved him many years ago.

    He too sits on the floor with his head cocked to one side. Since he had the stroke.

    Perhaps the dog is mentally challenged and you're simply hearing messages where there are none because you want to believe it to be true.

    I don't know how people can do that.


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