#99.9 Celebrity Suicide Notes - Otto Mann

Oh, man John, this is gonna be hard. I ain't ever written a suicide note before, the closest I got was signing the marriage certificate. Man, that's like blowing your brains out and coming 'round with a headache!

Sixteen crashes only one fatality! Wow, that's a stat any drunk driver would be proud of. Just my bad sewage that when I do finally write someone off its a f#@king carrot-headed limey kid... Man, thats tough, just too bad! Some real bad omened yakka. I couldn't have the fortune to flatten a crack whore or some legless bum taped to a skateboard, I had to hit the cute faced Brit. And not just any old Brit, hell no, but everyones favourite stinkin' postkid! Knocked him to shit as well, really gruesome, like some cool heavy metal show where they like throw livers and intestines all around the stage. Man, it was a bloodbath. I really totalled this poor dude! He was cute though. I think.

My lawyer said that for my little misdemeanour I should expect nothing less that the Judges silver hammer. 25 strokes and 5 lines, uh no way, not an option. I'd be bald when I got out. So, between jail time, chicken feed and suicide, I choose Sabbath, man, woahhh yeahhh! I'm not being no Mutha's prison queen. My arse stays virgin.

Natch! No, Yatch! Ah, whatever! I've taken a life and the only way to level the score is to offer my own life up in sacrifice. Though just an old back-alley drunk I'm still a man of The Book, an eye for a toe and all that poesie. Redemption! Redemption! Redemption! Who's up for a bit of redemption?

J, the bus is going off a cliff. I've done an awful thing. It's now time to put my foot down and clear the wreckage. Whether you are listening or not, whether the old you is still some where hidden inside, I don't know? But please, please, please just hear these words:

John I love you. I love you like there is nothing left if you are not here. I love you as a man can love only once in his life. If I don't die with you I will die alone...

Never forget these words... and never forget me...

Please come back one day!!!

Your Eternal Burning Flame, Otto. X

1 comment:

  1. Like you Otto

    I expect one day to have an Empire named after me.

    ReplyDelete

 
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