Roy Walker, the once compère of the hit TV gameshow Catchphrase, used to urge the contestants to “Just say what you see!” or “If you see it, say it, thats the way to play it!” Well, here's what I saw.
Someone who looked like they were on the way out with cancer, shaven headed, six stone and drunk. At first I thought it was the Morrison's bum come begging for my shopping receipts again, but then it threw itself against me and started crying: “Triste, it was a fucking nightmare, Darl! A real fucking nightmare!” The voice was familiar, but it was the infamous Red Lesbo shoes which ultimately gave her away. This was no Morrison's bum, but a prison ravaged Verity Cooper, free after 32 days at Her Majesty's expense.
About Tristram Spencer
- Waiting For John
- Whilst waiting for John I pass my time staring at screen-savers, reading ingredient lists and old phone books. I encourage spam mail and try to make friends with the spammers. I count tiles, bricks and tins of soup and enjoy the sound of lawnmowers.
Others Waiting For John
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An Influx of Pigeons
Is there still some hope for the fated Mr Spencer?
The Dangerous Dandy by Barbara Cartland
Will Tristram finally be brought to account for his love of Babs? And: is 25 years hard labour enough?
Brian the Postboy's gift to John: an ankle bracelet inscribed 'Super Dong'
Scrap metal or has John been 'tagged'. Is Tristram Spencer really the only fated man in town?
Trolley Dash August 2010
Did Tristram accidently pick up a REAL bargain?
Tristram's Birthday: Sunday 3rd October
Cheap jam sponge or something a little more exciting? How will Mr Spencer celebrate his 32nd year in hell?
What John purchased on the 15th July
A Flamingo flower. Expensive ashtray or is John getting 'green fingers'???
Garden Centre 21st June.
Tristram buys 10 ugly green window boxes and a variety of plants.
Leaflet put through Tristram's door: Church Fete 23rd June 2010.
One to mark down in the diary???
What Tristram saw on the 5th June
Tristram's Reported Death 13th May
Significant? maybe...
Tristram's Dream from the 9th May
Significant????
My Loose Thread by Dennis Cooper
The Start of it All
Abigail Winthrope (Mrs) and The Nerdettes are the creation of Joseph Mills. All words for this player are written by him. Click Abigail's pic to find out more about Joe.
Sometimes Thy Don't Come Back
Various artists and writers represent 'loss' in unique ways.
Labels
- Celebrity Suicide Notes
- Introduction of Abigail Winthrope (comments section)
- Introduction of Brian The Postboy (1)
- Introduction of Brian The Postboy (2)
- Introduction of Dr. Dennis
- Introduction of Jaws
- Introduction of Mother
- Introduction of my unfortunate Brother
- Introduction of Steve The Spammer (Princess Agipoki)
- Introduction of the Postman
- Introduction of Verity
- The first ever post
- Tristram and John: how they met
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Finally, a woman to sort all this out.
ReplyDeleteAnd a queer one at that.
No offense to Mrs Spencer but there are certain jobs only a dyke can do.
I do not approve of the life style, but I have many Saphists on my payroll and they are worth their weight in hobnail boots.
Chastity Bono used to be the finest bouncer in the Western hemisphere.
Get to work Ver!
Yep, Ol' V's back on the scene. Not in such great shape but nothing a few hearty vegan pizza's won't sort out.
ReplyDeleteConcerning my mother, I'm not absolutely convinced that she isn't a dyke. Apart from being raped twice at the hands of my father there's not really been much cock action in her life.
No, if I were you (and thank Christ I'm not) I'd keep a good eye on mother. Her fetish for jellied eels could mean anything. X
Please do not take the Lord's name in vain.
ReplyDeleteIt's like a sticky kitchen knife through my perm.
When I say 'Jeez' or the like, God knows I'm just being friendly.
So he tells me anyway.