For three hours and twenty two minutes I sat opposite Verity willing her to wake up. I wanted to speak to her before John rose and robbed me of my privacy. At one point I lifted her head up and let go. It crashed down onto the kitchen table and I heard her back teeth rattle. Apart from the slightest groan she hardly stirred.

When she did finally open her eyes the world was sober in them. I could tell from the way she focussed on and registered her surroundings. I was the first and last thing she looked at. She pulled a funny face and smiled.
“Morning, Darl... My head hurts, what the hell happened?”
I nodded towards the almost empty bottle of Bacardi. “You crashed out. We thought you was dead.”
“Oh, it bloody feels like it too. How I even got here I don't know??? Lena picked me up from the prison and I remember something about a bottle of wine and then??? God knows? And I know I look awful but really I'm fine... I look much worse than I actually am.” She lowered her head and frenziedly scratched her skull as if she had lice. “I need a coffee," She groaned "black as death!”

Over coffee I told Verity all the mean and nasty things that John had gotten up to while she was in prison. As I rattled off each of his crimes her mouth opened further and further in astonishment until it looked like she was completely drunk again.
“He actually videod you and sent it in to the Council? Oh la, Jesus, Tristy! And him and this postboy Br... er, Bry...”
“Brian” I helped
“Yes, Brian! They tied you up and done that to your face?”
“Uh huh. And my ribs, they're all busted too.”
“Good God,” said Verity “I don't believe it! I mean I do, but I don't! It's insane. And you've seen him walk? Star jumps? Phwew. It's a lot to take in, Darl... And the prison visit fiasco on top, Jesus!”
“He hates me, Verity... for some reason he really, really hates me.”

Verity took my hand and clasped it tightly between both of hers. It felt good and it felt warm but it made me sad. Once again I realized how much I miss and need a loving touch, need to be fussed over and pampered and cared for. After all that's passed I know it's ridiculous, but as I stared down at Verity's hands I couldn't help wishing that they were three sizes bigger and sprouted out with fine black hairs. I wanted John to hold me, for one final day, make me feel beautiful again.


  1. I do hope she stays sober enough to help you , but you know what they say about mothers and sons, he may convince her of his side .. lies I know all lies but be prepared ... You need a nice man, someone to watch over you xx

  2. I misread that as 'I need a coffin'

    Or did I...

  3. My cameo! I am thrilled!
    ps. I spotted John in Cork (see diary page) :)

  4. @ Lena: You saw it! You'll get a bigger better one than that though... keep an eye out for when we make the headlines again! X

    @ Abigail: Must be those sexy specs you wear.

    @ Wildernesschic: Oh no, I think Verity may very well be he only person with any real loyalty in all of this. She's always been very fair, even if at times it did annoy the shit out of me. I think John has pushed her my way... she sa the light herself. He's been very mean to her too. She was the only one to visit him in the madhouse, was even his confident, and now he snubs her.

    John was a nice man... the nicest. There's not been too much of those pleassant times here, but before all this mess he was what made the life seem so beautiful. Ok, he's always had a bit of a selfish streak, like when he squished my first goldfish into the carpet, but those moments were few and far between. He really has lost his mind... in that sense, I'm still waiting for John. X

  5. Scary!!! When I see it i'll probably get a heart attack, that's usually what happens to me!


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