This morning, while making yet another frantic search for my missing copy of The Dangerous Dandy, I received the shock of my life. When it happened I was on my knees in the living room, the green armchair tipped upside down and was tearing away the sackcloth from its underside. All of a sudden I heard a rustling sound, and turned just in time to see the bin liner I had taped across the broken window tear free and a head come bursting through. It was Inspector Little Dick Tracy. I almost keeled over, especially when I spotted his tie dangling in the dirt of the centre window box.

  “Looking for something, Mr Spencer?” he asked giving a suspicious look around.
  “No, what would I be looking for?” I countered, a little too hastily, “I'm actually just about to tack the underneath of this cloth back on the chair.”
  “Really.... Why, what have you hidden in there?” he asked, firing the ending phrase at me with surprise speed.
  “Hidden?! I've not hidden anything Inspector. It's the fibres, they find their way around the apartment, and as you may already know, I have rather delicate lungs.”

Little Dick scrutinised me through squinted eyes. It was like he was trying to wheedle my crimes out with nothing but his glare. And it was working. I suddenly felt as guilty as hell. I lowered my head and silently wished him gone. It didn't work.

  “My God, Spencer!” he suddenly cried, “What the hell are those missing squares cut out the carpet? I hope they're not designated 'pooping zones' I've seen stuff like that in Thailand!” At that his two Goons appeared guffawing at either of the side windows. I thought of saying they were cooling patches for John's feet but didn't bother.
  “Actually Mr Spencer, I bring you good news,” continued Little Dick, “ you'll be glad to know that your story concerning Mr McManus checks out. We've six eye witnesses who lay claim to having witnessed the argument between you and him on the night of the 20th, and also another two who witnessed Mr McManus driving off with a holdall stuffed full of belongings just shortly after. So we'll have no further need for your help and shan't be bothering you again. Still, if John does turn up, you have my number down at the nick. Make sure you use it.” And with that, Little Dick Tracy withdrew his head, lifted his tie out the window box, wriggled it clean and was gone. I looked down at the cut out squares in the carpet and smiled. A major enemy of my freedom had just stepped out the game and a huge pressure immediately lifted. I sunk back against the upturned armchair and relaxed, relieved the investigation was finally over...


  1. Oh I thought this was going on until January 1st.

    Well I suppose that's it all over then.

    Verity will eventually believe you, book or not.

    The 10 ugly green boxes will be quietly disposed of at an opportune time.

    You'll get to keep the house or move on to greener pastures.

    And all will be well.

    I just love a happy ending.

  2. Dear Tristram,

    Please add my comment:

    You know how it works ... Just as you think an investigation has been
    closed, it gets re-opened. I was just becoming attached to the dear
    Inspector. I expect we shall see him again.

    As you transition from summer to autumn, now would be an appropriate
    time to bring in those window boxes, and properly dispose of those
    grisly remains.

    I suspect that events have just taken a pause, rather than come to rest.
    Use this respite wisely: clear up, and clear off!

  3. Abigail: Yep, you've just about wrapped it up, though you've leftout one minor detai... tomorrows post... X

    Gurney Nutting: I thibnk for once I'll take your advice and bring the boxes in. i'll do it first thing monday when the church folk aren't about. X


Tristram's Birthday: Sunday 3rd October

Tristram's Birthday: Sunday 3rd October
Cheap jam sponge or something a little more exciting? How will Mr Spencer celebrate his 32nd year in hell?

Trolley Dash August 2010

Trolley Dash August 2010
Did Tristram accidently pick up a REAL bargain?

Brian the Postboy's gift to John: an ankle bracelet inscribed 'Super Dong'

Brian the Postboy's gift to John: an ankle bracelet inscribed 'Super Dong'
Scrap metal or has John been 'tagged'. Is Tristram Spencer really the only fated man in town?

The Dangerous Dandy by Barbara Cartland

The Dangerous Dandy by Barbara Cartland
Will Tristram finally be brought to account for his love of Babs? And: is 25 years hard labour enough?

An Influx of Pigeons

An Influx of Pigeons
Is there still some hope for the fated Mr Spencer?
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