#198

Sometimes the world seems magical, but really, there is no magic in this world. Problems do not just disappear and being optimistic and hopeful doesn't save us either. For a moment last night I actually thought that things were going to be OK, that something had changed and from now on life would play within the rules. But last night I was tired, and today I am not.

I know what I must do, I lmust confess. Why I didn't do it yesterday at the police station I don't know. I couldn't. Maybe if I confess things will get better? Maybe John's death will not be so hard on me knowing that I also ruined my own life? Or, maybe it will all get worse... who can tell?

The day is a bleak one. Outside the cold eats into everything, even the things that do not breathe. The silver birch out back, which seemed so full of promise in spring, is now bald and ugly and I cannot believe it will ever look beautiful again. Little Dick Tracy will be back soon, it's only a matter of time. Regardless of all his faults his hunch is correct, and he knows almost everything but just cannot proove it. Soon he will, soon I'll even help him do it.

There are some places I must visit. A walk to clear my mind. I need to see some life before I decide whether or not to give it up. It may be my last walk as a free man, the last chance to live John and I through memories.

I dressed in my funeral suit, the one I was wearing when I met John. It was crumpled and stale but fitting, and took me back to a time that no longer exists. To stave off the cold I borrowed John's black scarf. It still smelled of the aftershave he wore, the smell that sent me crazy all those billion times I bit 'I Love You' up the side of his neck. I wrapped it around tight, and opening the door, I breathed in the last of December and stepped out into my final legend.

6 comments:

  1. Still have no idea how it will end.

    Or how I want it to end.

    ReplyDelete
  2. '... as I walked out, I slipped and fell on the icy pavement. A loud report from my leg, as well as excruciating pain, gave me the first clue that my leg was broken. As I stared through the open front door, about to call out to Garbo Tranny to come and help me, I saw him put a cigarette between his teeth - his mouth was drawn back in a devilish grin. He sparked his lighter, and there was a huge explosion. I must have broken one of the gas pipes during my frenzy of destruction. As the house burned, and the flames shot out of the windows, those window boxes fell inside, to be consumed by the fire.

    'Tears rolled down my face - Little Dick wold never believe my confession now, without the vital evidence to support it ... '

    Happy new year, Tristram =]*

    ReplyDelete
  3. So how will it end? Not with a bang, but with...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Abigail: I don't know how I want it to end, but i've made a decision now and it can't be changed. X

    Grouchy: and wheelchair hanging. X

    Doomed but Cheerful: Blow up the Garbo Tranny!!! Not even Bush went that far! X


    Black Acrylic: I'm gonna leave a two word answer to your comment immediately after the final post. X

    ReplyDelete
  5. Black Acrylic: Not with a bang, but with A HANG. X

    ReplyDelete

 
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