#18

I booked an appointment with Dr Dennis for tomorrow afternoon. I need something to help me pass the nights better. The homeopathic calmants that Verity put me onto are about as helpful as Smarties. I need sledgehammer blows in capsules, not extracts of Piss-the-Beds. I tried to schedule the rendez-vous for an exact hour and minute, but the secretary was having none of it. “Morning or afternoon, Mr Spencer?” she murmured, sounding utterly bored by the fuss people dying make. I don't like people calling me Mr Spencer, it makes me feel like I'm in the bank. “The afternoon” I said “I may be dead in the morning.”

After the doctor I phoned mum. I sat there picking the lint out my belly button as she babbled on about water retention, or worse, the opposite. I don't know why, but without fail, after 5 minutes of speaking to my mother I always need to empty my bowels. Today was no different. “Excuse me mum, I need a shit.” I interrupted before closing the phone dead. That's how every call since I left home at 18 has ended.

John's been visiting the blog again. I didn't want to mention it yesterday so as not to give him the satisfaction of having got to me. But he did get to me, it's been plaguing my every thought. Under post #16 he left a series of ten trailing comments culminating in a threat to cut my eyelids off! Of course it gets more worrying, but in a bizarre way I also took a pleasure from it... just knowing I am somewhere in his thoughts. I would much rather be abused and killed by him than ignored or forgotten. His silence would hurt me much more than his threats. I know that's a very selfish thought, but love is selfish. When it comes down to it, it's the most selfish thing in the world.

10 comments:

  1. TRISTRAM DEAR. VERITY SAID I MAY FIND YOU HERE. WE GOT INTERUPTED BY YOUR TUMMY AGAIN THIS AFTERNOON AND I HADN'T QUITE FINISHED DESCRIBING THE BUILD UP OF WATER IN MY FEET AND HOW THEY HAVE SWOLLEN SO.

    I SEE YOU'VE GOT QUITE A LITTLE BUILD UP OF FRIENDS HERE!WELL DONE YOU.THREE CHEERS FOR MOVING ON. MAYBE YOU'LL EVEN FIND YOURSELF A GIRLFRIEND. THAT WOULD BE NICE.

    SO; DON'T WANT TO INTRUDE AND GET IN THE WAY OF AN√ĚTHING BUT I WILL LEAVE ADDRESSES FOR MY TWO FAVOURITE SITES. JUST IN CASE ANY OF YOUR FEMALE ADMIRERS HAVE ANY WATER RETENTION ISSUES OR SUFFER FROM INCONTINENCE (LIKE ME).

    SO, SO. FOR NOW. MUM.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_retention
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incontinence

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  2. that title is taken...

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  3. MOTHER, please, please, please do not enter into my private life as you've just done. Verity had no right to give you this address and I can only imagine you bullied it out of her with your endless dribble about incontinence. If you EVER come back here again I will delete your comments and close the blog down.

    Find a Girlfriend? MUM, I SUCK COCK... when will you EVER understand.

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  4. @ Anonymous: I think I may know who you are... John! lol X

    @ Lena: Thank you so much! though I see you've got some competition there. LOL. X

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  5. Perhaps you are scratching an itch that will never go away and keep you from enjoying everything else in this world.

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  6. hmm. a lot of elimination going on here...perhaps a trick on us or as likely yourself?

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  7. @ Sandra: It's an itch I hope will never go away... nothing's enjoyable without John. X

    @ Robert: Hmmm... You may very well be right. X

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  8. I just started reading your blog. Right from the beginning. Your mother's comment really made me laugh. Made my day :D

    Anyway, i'll be off now to read the rest.
    Take Care. Soup

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