#19

I have just returned from the doctor's and am sitting here reading the information insert from the pack of amitryptalin I've been prescribed. Though I'm lucky I have anything at all. I'm lucky I even saw the doctor.

When I arrived just shy of 2pm and announced my name, the secretary's jaw dropped. “Is this some kind of a joke?” she asked, looking at me as if I were a ghost.
“These?” I asked pulling up at the paisley pyjama bottoms I was wearing.
“No, err... hang on a minute, Mr. Spe....” And with that she jumped up and was gone. A moment later she retuned with a half running Dr Dennis. Peering in at me with a squinted bushy eyebrow, he exclaimed: “Mr Spencer? Good grief, you're alive!”

It turned out that my brother had phoned the surgery this very morning and had told the secretary I had passed away during the night. Understandably my appointment had been scratched. “Asphyxiated. Naked, with a bag over your head...” muttered the secretary turning her eyes to the ground. “But why on earth would your brother make up such a thing. It's pretty bizarre isn't it?”

Pretty bizarre indeed. Especially as don't I have a brother. What could have been one was miscarried 2 months into the pregnancy. Mother farting his prawn-like foetus out into a steel Mcdonald's toilet. Along with the wrapper from a cheese burger he was flushed into history in 1976. So, it's quite unlikely to have been him.

No, my reported death was the work of someone much more formed than that. Someone with a grudge, a heart of vengeance and a twisted desire to unsettle me. Someone deranged, confined and hateful. Someone I used to know as John.

13 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. "And if a man lie with mankind, as with womankind, both of them have committed abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

    -Leviticus 20:13

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  3. Did you notice you can rearrange the letters in Mrs Abigail Winthrope and spell abomination?

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  4. TRISTRAM DEAR. YOU'D DO WELL TO LISTEN TO THAT FIRST COMMENTER. SHE'S THE VOICE OF A VERY GREAT MAN!

    DID YOU HAVE TO MENTION YOUR ILL-FATED BROTHER... THE CHEESE-BURGER WRAPPER INCIDENT? I WISH YOU WOULDN'T MAKE SUCH THINGS PUBLIC. GOD KNOWS WHAT YOUR FATHER WOULD DO IF HE WAS STILL HERE.

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  6. sorry, i was saying...hee hee! mrs. winthrope, you probably shouldn't be associating with the likes of us! save yourself!

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  7. @ Mrs Winthrope: I can't disagree, lying's a terrible habit. X

    @ Michelle: You're right... and 'hot gas' lol. X

    @ Stacy: She's ok... in denial I should expect, lol X

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  8. Very droll Mr.Spencer.

    You know perfectly well what Our Lord meant by 'lie with'.

    Therefore let him that thinketh he standeth, take heed lest he fall -

    1 Corinthians 10:12.

    You and your followers take heed:

    Those who underestimate my intelligence regret it.

    Just ask my nephew.

    Oh wait,he can't speak anymore...

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  9. I am in love with Abigail Winthrope (Mrs.)

    My fantasy is to dress her in wool/cotton blend, day-glow fabrics and serve her my very own shrimp and bacon linguine.

    I know she'd love my cooking.

    Please say "yes" Mrs. Winthrope.

    Or at least, allow me to hope...

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  10. Mrs Winthrope,

    You should be writing Erotica. You certainly do it for me.

    Tristram's Mum, proove you're not 7/10ths lesbian and join the Westboro Baptist Church.

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  11. I have been clothing and feeding myself since I was two years old and thus need no assistance, especially via Biblically non-approved means.

    Erotica? Oh you mean filth...

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  12. Abigail Winthrope?
    Sure i've seen you leave a comment on the blog of Shane Le Vein ;)

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  13. Wolfe in the HouseJanuary 18, 2011 at 7:50 AM

    Oh that can only be a certain Mr Frank Cum... I see right through aliases. But Mrs Winthrope has never left a comment on the Le Vein blog...only on the Le Vene blog... she's fussy like that. X

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