The last time I received good news was Tuesday 21st October 1986. On that occasion it was a letter on the dining room table containing my provisional bicycle certificate and a badge. “RSA Approved!” it beamed above a huge blue tick. Since then my letterbox, telephone and email has existed for no other purpose than allowing misery an easy entrance into my life. Today was no exception.
“Hmmm” I said, dragging the telephone receiver into bed and under the covers with me.
“Tristram it's Verity. Now you mustn't hang up, this is serious! It's John, he's gotten a whole lot worse.” At those words I sat bolt upright under the blanket; it smelt of stale sperm. “Worse?" I asked "In what way? I didn't think he could get ANY worse!” I heard the flick of a lighter then the feint kiss of lips as she withdrew her cigarette and inhaled. Through a lungful of smoke, she calmly said “He's turned orange.”
Tristram's Birthday: Sunday 3rd October
Cheap jam sponge or something a little more exciting? How will Mr Spencer celebrate his 32nd year in hell?
Trolley Dash August 2010
Did Tristram accidently pick up a REAL bargain?
Brian the Postboy's gift to John: an ankle bracelet inscribed 'Super Dong'
Scrap metal or has John been 'tagged'. Is Tristram Spencer really the only fated man in town?
The Dangerous Dandy by Barbara Cartland
Will Tristram finally be brought to account for his love of Babs? And: is 25 years hard labour enough?
An Influx of Pigeons
Is there still some hope for the fated Mr Spencer?
Y.o.u h.u.r.t m.e.
ReplyDeleteL.i.e.d t.o m.e.
A.b.u.s.e.d m.e.
Y.o.u r.u.i.n.e.d m.e.
m.a.d.e m.e s.t.a.g.n.a.n.t
Y.o.u l.a.y.e.d t.h.e.r.e
I w.a.t.c.h.e.d y.o.u
I l.a.ye.d t.h.e.r.e t.o.o
YOU ARE CANCER. BOREDOM IS CANCER
SILENCE IS NOT THE TRUTH. NOISE IS THE TRUTH
ACTION IS THE TRUTH. ACTION IS LIVING
WE WERE NOT LIVING. WE WERE NOT EVEN DYING.
WE WERE DEAD.
A storm is on its way.
OMGFG
ReplyDeletePlease hide..please.
Nick
Over here RSA means Responsible Service of Alcohol. It's irrelevant, but i don't know what else to say.
ReplyDelete@ Nick: If only I could... X
ReplyDelete@ Dollyasylum: Road Safety Association. Not quite sure if that exists, but probably. X