Concerning John's paralysis, I don't really know what to think. John is adamant he cannot feel his lower body but there are movements that occur that suggest otherwise. Also his lack of interest in seeing a specialist (even the doctor) concerns me. His only real enthusiasm in the whole affair is getting his manual wheelchair exchanged for an electric one. But I do not want to dwell on this at the moment. I figure: if a man says he's paralysed, then he's paralysed. FULL STOP. So like the Maudsley and Kings College doctors, I must accept what John says. However, I won't do so quietly. If he really does have spinal or neurological problems then it's my duty as his lover to get to the bottom of that. If my man can't fuck then I want a proper explanation as to why not! So regardless of John's desires I have made him an appointment to see Dr. Dennis on Tuesday morning. And if he doesn't want to go??? Well tough bloody luck: I'm pushing!

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