By the time the spare wheelchair battery crashed through the window with the note “Open up or Die” attached to it, John had been outside, circling around like a vulture, for a full sixteen hours. I had witnessed the entire 80 miles of his breakdown; watched as every two minutes the top of his head passed by outside followed by a vicious insult or accusation: “Fucking Cocksucker!”; “AIDS infected Queer!”; “Twisted Homo Scumbag!”; “Tristram Spencer is a Paedophile! Tristram Spencer is a Paedophile!” etc, etc.

As the day peaked, wore on, dropped and disappeared, so John's slurs at first became more inventive, then more bizarre, then finally absurd and meaningless. By nightfall his ravings were not really insults or even language at all – just a terrifying stream of complete and utter nonsense: “YOU COCKKILTING SHITLEAF PISHSHLUSH DOWNDRIPPING POLLUTIONIST MUH'FUCKAAAaaarrggghhh!!!”

It was due to that, and the desire for an independent witness, that Verity came to be listening in on John's antics when the window exploded. She actually took the full force of the blast, the telephone receiver held up and turned towards the window so as she could get a good listen ofthe jibberish he was screaming. Of course, when the spare wheelchair battery came hurtling in, things immediately became that more serious. In a sixty second blitzed plan we decided that I must let John in; let myself out, and keep at a safe distance until she arrived.

So that's what I did. I waited until John was at his very furthest away from the house, then opened the front door and bolted out into the street. When I shouted to John that he could go in, he calmly said, “Oh, thanks Tristy, I was beginning to think you was asleep or something.” Then, as if absolutely nothing had happened, he sped on in. For the second time in less than a week I was stood outside in the dark to twitching curtains and shaking heads. And as The Neighbourhood Watch watched me, I waited on Verity, who at the last count was the only friend I have.


Before getting onto verity's arrival, John denying it was him who had put the front window through, and his delirious claims that I am planning to kill him, I should first go back and explain just how exactly John came to be circling about outside in the first place. For that we need to go from friend to foe, all the way back to Brian...


  1. And I think that Verity will be more than a match for Brain of Britain Brian...

  2. I aree with AW, I am looking forward to see how she deals with him... Super Dong needs some sorting out .. Brian just needs decking..xx

  3. Abigail: I don't think there's a brain amongst the lot of us! i've even heard people referring to us as 'The idiots'

    It's my birthday on Sunday. I think i'll spend a quiet one in...


    Wildernesschic: Super Dong will get his just deserves I can see a serious course of Shock treatment coming his way. X


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