Tristram's Birthday: Sunday 3rd October
Cheap jam sponge or something a little more exciting? How will Mr Spencer celebrate his 32nd year in hell?
Trolley Dash August 2010
Did Tristram accidently pick up a REAL bargain?
Brian the Postboy's gift to John: an ankle bracelet inscribed 'Super Dong'
Scrap metal or has John been 'tagged'. Is Tristram Spencer really the only fated man in town?
The Dangerous Dandy by Barbara Cartland
Will Tristram finally be brought to account for his love of Babs? And: is 25 years hard labour enough?
An Influx of Pigeons
Is there still some hope for the fated Mr Spencer?
Oh Verity get a fucking life!
ReplyDeleteIt's absulutely obvious to me that Tristy offed John accidentally. There was no malice aforethought. Even if there was, he deserved it.
And where do you get off with all the moralizing? Given your history.
Anyway. That's my stuff said.
Tristy, those Gurny Nutting links looked familiar. Every day I investigate my nephew's online activities. Saying no more. Except that some of them are Quite Interesting
Tristram wot are those labels u're using for ur email:
ReplyDeleteCockrings
Mum Nude Pics
Watersports
????
And yet you didn't delete the emails. Tsk.
ReplyDeleteDear Tristram,
ReplyDeleteMy initial suspicions over the loyalty of Verity have been confirmed.
She is no more concerned for your welfare than the Pope is wondering
when he will be able to fit in a game of golf with you. This
self-centred and perfidious creature has simply got to go, if you have
decided not to flee the country. Why not invite her to tea today to
show her 'the book'?
It will be very easy - a plastic bag over the head will do nicely: make
sure it is a thick one, to avoid splits and tears. Avoid the garotte -
defecation as she expires is bound to stain the furniture. The other
risk is decapitation, if you are too vigorous - if she is fit, the blood
could hit the ceiling, and painting ceilings is always such a chore.
I was looking for the address of a local piggery, but they seem to be
more well guarded than the crown jewels - possibly because of the
incidence of Hep E, Chlamydia, and other nasties that are in the herd
(shudders). (Note to self - see local rabbi with a view to conversion).
On the other hand, you may not fancy another session of home butchery.
If you can borrow or hire a car, why not take a trip to Cornwall, and
drop the body down a mone shaft? Read this :
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/collapsing-mineshafts-put-cornish-homes-in-danger-1548979.html
and you can use this
http://www.enjoyengland.com/destinations/find/south-west/cornwall/bodmin-moor.aspx
as a start point for making your plan. Let's face it, having gone to
all that trouble, you might as well have a spot of tea and enjoy the
autumnal afternoon.
Have fun. (And book that flight or ferry now).
G =]
@ Mrs Winthrope: Yes you're right, there was no malice involved, even if I was a little angry at the time. Just a slip, that's what it was: I slipped!
ReplyDeleteYour nephew seems to be maturing along common lines. If it helps, it's quite normal. X
@ Gay God: Yeah, a bit of a blunder there. X
@ Simon: Oh, I've deleted the mails. This (the blog) is no-man's land... I can show them off quite safely here . X
Gurney: Maybe I will leave the country if I think I'll be caught, but my hope is that no-one will ever suspect John was murdered and his disappearance will be marked down as just another 'youngish (schizophrenic) runaway. That's my hope, so ideas of fleeing the country are very far from my mind. Still, thanks for the suggestion, it may come in handy.
I still have hope in verity... I think she's one of the genuine good people around and I think she'll come through in the end. But yes, if there's any hint she's going to the police I'll put a stop to her immediately. I can't bare loud-mouths.
Cornwall??? Bodmin??? Brings to mind 'beast'??? Oh yes, The Beast of Bodmin, apparently 'gay friendly'.
Thanks for the links (I hope everyone enjoys them).X
Its all seems to be playing on Verity's mind.. She is not the only one..
ReplyDeleteI ventured out of the house today.. something of a rare occurrence to take my son to the Doctor
On the way there I see several Wheelchair signs .. and my brain immediately thinks "Waiting for John"
Then as if by magic.. in the words of Mr Benn.. appears a man in glasses with a tartan blanket no less, being pushed across the road.. I nearly shouted out "There's John" and was smiling for a moment..
My son was rather concerned that I had' lost it' and maybe he should give me his appointment... xx